Last year, the Club Penguin Armies community was swept with a new line of fast-food meals. Today, we will look at the problems they have caused.

Designed by Master DS

the Quest for the Best army MEAL

Over the past year, several armies have announced collaborations with fast food chains, such as McDonald’s, Burger King, and Subway. These have proved effective methods of promoting their armies to the ideal army member – fat people. Armies such as the People’s Imperial Confederation, the Help Force, and the Rebel Penguin Federation have all released such meals.

These meals received great recognition from the famous Penguin Ponderers podcast, shamelessly promoting unhealthy meals to the audience. After attempting to acquire the legendary PIC meal, mentioning figures such as Shallisa and Alucard, the Ponderers found themselves stuck – the meals were all sold out. Following this, the group pivoted to looking for a Help Force meal, and again, they were all gone. Clearly, this presents a problem. These meals are causing the obesity epidemic of Armies.

The PIC meal, available for $5, the equivalent of 100 Beanie Coins

The effect on armies

The PIC Meal Problem, as it has been described, is plaguing the army scene. Troops are unable to participate in battles due to being too fat. The Iceberg is no longer a valid room, as if one too many penguins go on it, it flips. It is even rumoured that the PIC Meal Problem is what led to the downfall of the Doritos.

Some people have even speculated that the recent issues plaguing CPA: Battleground are due to the sheer size of the troops logging on. High cholesterol levels are spiking, as the community grows more unhealthy each day. One such person impacted by these army meals is Editor-in-Chief Kira. She is now so overweight, in fact, that she can no longer walk.

A recent photo taken of Kira, highlighting her unfortunate weight gain

In an attempt to find out what a victim of the army meals thinks, Club Penguin Armies contacted Kira for a statement.

How do you feel these Army Meals and the PIC Meal Problem have impacted your life?

i just wanna say i blame ARMIES for making me the way i am. they claim to just be innocent penguin clubs but beware. they all advertise their food meals and say nothing bad will happen. they are filthy LIARS. beware of pic rpf and hf. they mass propagate their meals and refuse to inform of the adverse health effects from eating them. yet another reason for the detriment of armies. they make individuals morbidly OBESE. #freekira #iblamepicrpfhf

How can we end this problem?

The solution is simple. Club Penguin Armies needs to turn vegan! Some leafy greens would do this community a lot of good, and there is one meal that can save us. Diwix, another current Editor-in-Chief, is not only responsible for the Help Force meal, but once upon a time, was a legendary chef. With skills rivalling those of Gordon Ramsey, Diwix’s curry promises to save the community.

Diwix cooking up some curry, in the hope of saving the community

Well, there you have it, folks. Clearly, the PIC Meal Problem is real. Undeniably, these army meals cannot go on to thrive, and there is a solution, but it will require all of the community to be on board. Do you think the army community can survive the PIC Meal Problem? Will obesity levels continue to climb, or will Diwix’s curry save us?

KiItanon
Reporter

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