Club Penguin armies are serious business. But what if they weren’t? What if, instead of battling over servers, they were just… fast food chains? Here’s what your favorite army would be if they served a burger & fries menu instead of formations.
Designed by RyeBread
Disclaimer: The descriptions represent the author’s opinions and do not necessarily represent Club Penguin Armies‘ views.
Rebel Penguin Federation – McDonalds
The big one. The golden arches. You either love them or accuse them of rigging the Monopoly game. Consistent, corporate, and a little too powerful. Probably has a spreadsheet on how many nuggets each tactic earns. You say you’re over them, but deep down… you still show up at 2am.
Special Weapons and Tactics – Taco Bell
You’re never sure what they’re doing, but they’re always doing something. Sometimes it’s war, sometimes it’s a recruiting drive, sometimes it’s just chaos in a wrapper. Unpredictable, a little messy, and always posting food pics in general chat.
Elite Guardians of Club Penguin – Chick-fil-A
Clean branding. Well-dressed. Always polite… until they start steamrolling your capital. Closed on Sundays and still better than half the menu. You don’t always agree with their “policies,” but you can’t deny the chicken is crispy.
Army of Club Penguin – Burger King
They’ve been around forever. You probably tried them first. They go through massive rebrands every few months. Some people swear by the Whopper, some by the Junior, Double, Triple Whopper, others are like “Why are they declaring war again?” Loyalty runs deep, though. Either way, they’re seizing the day, they’re having it their way, and they rule!
Templars – Five Guys
Expensive. Loud. Greasy. The peanut shells are like war terms, everywhere. You either hate them or say they’re the best thing to ever happen to the burger scene. Somehow, always in the middle of some heated forum drama over how the fries are made.
Help Force – Starbucks
They don’t give you a burger, but they do give ✨v i b e s✨. The iced coffee of armies. Full of art, aesthetics, and people named things like “Aqua” and “Bubbles.” Suddenly drops a pumpkin spice raid on your territory without warning. You mock them, then spend 4 hours with them in VC.
Doritos of Club Penguin – Wendy’s
Underrated, sarcastic on Twitter, and absolutely down to throw hands with no warning. Their roast game is elite. You don’t expect much, but they’ll show up at your capital with a Frosty and a sword. Consistently chaotic.
Fire Vikings – KFC
Crunchy, nostalgic, and a little greasy. Might not always be active, but when they show up, they show up. Definitely has a secret blend of 11 tactics that hit like a drumstick. Bonus points for the memes.
Penguins of Agartha – Panera Bread
Mysterious. Quiet. You’re not quite sure who’s in charge or how they’re still alive. The vibe is cozy… until you realize that soup costs $12 and they’re prepping a penguin raid. High-tier aesthetic with surprising substance.
Water Vikings – Dominos Pizza
You don’t plan on picking them, but suddenly you’re 5 slices in and they’ve maxed 45 during AUSIA. Hit or miss depending on the day, but they’ll always deliver. Late-night MVPs.
Aliens – Subway
Because no one really hates them, but no one really craves them either. They’re just kind of… there. Quietly existing, doing their own thing, showing up with a sandwich of strange tactics and oddly specific flavor combinations. You respect their hustle, but you’re also not entirely sure what’s going on behind that sneeze guard. They might not dominate the scene, but when they do show up, it’s always a bit unexpected, like someone actually choosing tuna at Subway.
In the wild world of Club Penguin Armies, comparing factions to fast food joints might seem ridiculous, but somehow, it just fits. Whether you’re craving the consistency of RPF McNuggets or the spicy unpredictability of a SWAT taco raid, there’s a flavor for every kind of penguin. One thing’s for sure: this community never runs out of chaos, charisma, or comedy. So, what fast food chain would your army be, and why?
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