What started as a simple cookie theft escalated into an epidemic of shutdowns. With so many armies closing their doors, people who bet their life savings on Legends Cup battles are now in shambles.
Welcome back to Totally Legit News, the only news source you can trust. On July 12, a single cookie was stolen. It wasn’t just any old cookie. It was a golden cookie, rumoured to be Club Penguin Journey’s 4th golden item. Armies rushed to find the culprit, only to be met with their shutdown.
Army of Club Penguin
The Army of Club Penguin were trying to retrieve the stolen cookie. This was not an act of kindness, though. What they were really after was the rumoured “height-growth” effects of eating the golden cookie. Roxy, one of their leaders, was very interested in the effect. Having led ACP for over a year, her already short height had shrunk from 5’8” to 58cm. Not only was switching from imperial to metric tough for her, but she also had to deal with a constant struggle to reach the top of the channel list when announcing events.
Army of Club Penguin High Command announcing events because Roxy can’t reach
For Roxy and her army, getting hold of the golden cookie was essential for their survival. It’s not surprising that they pursued the cookie thief so violently. Unfortunately for them, this height obsession led to their downfall. While searching for the thief, Roxy was eaten by a rat. She had grown so short that the rat didn’t even notice that they ate her. Following the loss of Roxy, Daniel, ACP’s other leader, announced the closure of the army. Although the average height of ACP’s leadership had increased with Roxy’s death, the Clovers simply couldn’t fill the gap left by Roxy’s “skibidi” personality.
Help Force
Everyone knows that Help Force’s leader, Jo, likes cookies. Cookie theft is very common in the Help Force, prominent perpetrators being Tacobell and Aleks. Because of this, HF’s leadership did not take action at first. That was until their cookie stockpile was raided. Following the raid, the perpetrator left a note alongside a blue, yellow and red flag. It wasn’t just any flag. It was a Romanian flag. The note contained the following message.
First we took the golden cookie. And then, we took your cookies. Next, we will take your sons – Presedinte Pastarnac Ridiche
Romanians stole the cookies, and now they plan on stealing sons. After hearing this, the Help Force declared war on Romania.
Help Force declares war on Romania
After finding out that Romania has a standing army of over 100000 troops, the Help Force promptly surrendered. There was no force treaty, as this was a real army as opposed to a Club Penguin army. Instead, the Romanian president deleted the Help Force Discord server. The army had no other choice but to shut down.
Water Vikings
The Water Vikings were panicking as one of their troops named Cookie went missing at the same time as the golden cookie. The Vikings’ High Council quickly met to discuss their plan of action. They came up with a plan to catch the perpetrator. It was a very simple plan. From the raid on Help Force’s cookie stockpile, they deduced that the cookie thief liked cookies. To catch the thief, they planned on dressing one of their staff members up as a cookie to use as bait. Luckily, Oreo was perfect for the job. They split Oreo in half and removed the filling. This left only two cookie halves behind.
Oreo split in half
Unbeknownst to them, this cruel operation was being recorded. This recording was sent to Club Penguin Armies, who investigated the potential staff abuse. At the end of the investigation, the Water Vikings were found guilty of 7 accounts of staff abuse, 32 accounts of money laundering, and 2 accounts of bribing the Community Committee to get the Daily Game Champion role. The admins, having had enough of the Vikings’ shenanigans, shut the army down. Although their bait plan was smart, it ended up backfiring, leading to their demise.
Aliens of Club Penguin
After the closure of Water Vikings, Bestpenguin, leader of Aliens, decided to make his own plan to catch the thief. Taking inspiration from the Oreo plan, Bestpenguin hosted a party in his igloo. In the invitation, he specifically mentioned that cookies will be served to guests. He knew that the cookie thief was smart. The thief would only attend the party if there were a lot of people. More people being there makes it easier to hide amongst the crowd while stealing cookies. To attract as many people as possible, Bestpenguin put on his BPChan costume.
BPChan
One week later, the party started. A large number of community members attended the party, including leaders from Templars and the Rebel Penguin Federation. Now, all Bestpenguin had to do was keep an eye on the cookies.
The party was coming to an end, and the cookie thief had not made a move yet. Thinking that his plan had failed, Bestpenguin prepared to end the party. Suddenly, flames emerged from the floor. It wasn’t just the floor. The walls of the igloo also burst into flames. Someone had set the igloo on fire. Bestpenguin regretted not installing sprinklers as he, along with TCP and RPF’s leaders, were burnt to a crisp.
Just like that, three armies lost their leaders. Without any leaders, the armies were forced to shut down.
Doritos of Club Penguin
On July 23, the Doritos shut down. Many suspected that this was the doing of the cookie thief. Although the Doritos had never planned on catching the thief, the thief may have wanted to eliminate the possibility. That’s what the community thought until further evidence emerged.
On July 25, Detective HippoLover found clues tying Doritos to the cookie thief. Doritos’ leadership was exchanging messages with the cookie thief. Hippolover broke into DCP’s office to steal the messages, and in doing so, he found there was more to it than just a simple cookie theft. The entire incident was Dortios’ plan to win Legends Cup XV.
- First, the Doritos spread rumours about the golden cookie’s height growth effects. This was to lure Roxy out of her office so that a rat could eat her.
- Doritos were also behind the raid on Help Force’s cookie stockpile. They planted a Romanian flag there, knowing that the Helpers would declare war against Romania.
- Furthermore, the Doritos were the ones that kidnapped Water Vikings’ troop, Cookie, as well as the ones that recorded Oreo being split in half.
- Moreover, the Doritos burnt down Bestpenguin’s igloo, killing the leaders of Aliens, Templars, and the Rebel Penguin Federation.
- Finally, the Doritos shut down to distract everyone from the cookie thief.
In reality, this shutdown was fake. They just wanted people to forget about them and the cookie thief. That way, they could secretly amass a large number of troops to win Legends Cup. Having eliminated most of the competition, this would’ve been the perfect chance to win. Unfortunately for them, Detective Hippolover revealed the truth.
Conclusion
After hearing the truth, the admins shut down the Doritos of Club Penguin for real. With most of the major contenders gone, the community was furious. A large number of community members had bet their entire life savings on Legends Cup. Because of DCP’s shenanigans, they were all going to go bankrupt and be forced back to the mines to play cart surfer.
The community is shocked that a single cookie theft could cause this much damage. With so many armies shutting down, the future of Legends Cup XV is in question. Who do you think will win? Will these armies reopen after such a devastating loss? Tell us your thoughts down below!
Jo
Associate Editor