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Scars Win Project Conquest
Following a tough three-way battle, Scars have won Project Conquest: Blood Bowl, defeating the Army of Club Penguin and the Secret Service. Although sizes were similar, Scars used their superior intellect to employ a strategy never seen before. They sat on top of the enemy.
Scars demonstrating how to sit on other penguins
We at Totally Legit News would like to congratulate Scars on their valiant, brave, and daring efforts in this tournament. Despite being unfairly eliminated, Scars and 54x pulled through, and to the despair of the biased admins, mounted a tremendous comeback.
Scars holding their trophy
The admins had rigged the tournament against Scars, allowing the Templars to invade INVADE IF DUMB without any repercussions. We asked the admins why they rigged the tournament against Scars. Shockingly, one of the admins answered truthfully while the other pleaded ignorance.
Mare pleading ignorance
Coolguy speaking the truth
As you can see, Mare is clearly responsible for rigging the tournament against Scars. Coolguy backed this up, as he is the only honest admin out of the two. We spoke with various community members to better understand what they think of the situation.
Why do you think the admins rigged Project Conquest against Scars?
Breadpan – ACP: i think that the admins rigged project conquest against scars cause they secretly really like 54x and wanted to steal him from scars
Coolgirl – Scars: Am think admins are jealous of scars being big army and so powerful
Zooy – SWAT: I think the rise of Scars posed a dangerous prospect to the stature of CPA’s legacy. I believe that the admins saw Scars rise so fast without enough drama that they thought it would tarnish the name of CPA. Scars, as you know, is also running for president (I got hired as his campaign manager), so it is due to this I believe that the administrators also were being paid off by both the main parties of America to stop Scars. Another important thing to observe as you dig deeper into this conspiracy is that they’ve made less #news posts on Scars than most traditional armies, they claim it’s because Scars is a “newer” army, but I think that’s simply a cover-up for them trying to hide the success of Scars.
Qaleksandr – HF: Because they think ACP is a more resonant name than Scars when winning a tournament, so they wanted ACP to win because of the prestige of the army.
WilliamW2010 – SWAT: Coolguy was complicit and Mare was colluding with Xing
T_T – RPF: i think it’s a clear case of BIAS, the cpa admins simply HATE scars
Who do you think is more responsible for the rigging, Mare or Coolguy?
Breadpan – ACP: definitely mare
Coolgirl – Scars: Am not know who rigged it maybe mare idk
Zooy – SWAT: I fully believe that Mare and Coolguy were both co-conspirators in this rigging, but the most fraudulent of the duo would have to be Mare. As I said, and so many others who have been silenced have said, is that this conspiracy goes all the way up to even the Chief Executive Producer! I’m sure Mare will now cut funding to CC because she is dead-set on silencing any penguin who dares speak up about the unrighteous exodus of the Scars from the New Westland. Mare also has more motive, as she is on the high seat of CPA, and as I mentioned in my first point, she feels she has to keep the drama going to continue CPA’s legacy.
Qaleksandr – HF: I think Coolguy is more responsible for rigging the Project Conquest against Scars.
WilliamW2010 – SWAT: Mare, I suspect Coolguy was complicit in the rigging rather than a cause
T_T – RPF: def mare
Scars clearly had the better formations against the Templars, yet they still lost. Do you think the judges were bribed?
Breadpan – ACP: in my opinion ACP definitely bribed the judges. (upon furhter notice please get rid of this answer my family is at risk)
Coolgirl – Scars: Am think judges are biased and not smart and maybe where bribed
Zooy – SWAT: Although there are clear signs of rigging, I am unsure if bribery was the way-to-go for the crooked administration. Because you do have to understand that CPA doesn’t just have Nitro and Robux in their arsenal, but they also have many other levels and tools of corruption to utilize for their sinister gain. And to those who doubt the theory that it was rigged need to understand that a DOT cannot be SLOPPY? What’s the difference between . and .? But in the case of TCP, they had forms with unfathomable amount of mistakes, so I don’t see anyway the judges can justify their ruling. The fact is, no matter how much impartiality the judges claim, we know they’re affiliated with CPA. I’m not even sure if we can blame CPAJ, because it might as well just be a puppet of Mare and Coolguy to suppress the mighty Scars’ vision.
Qaleksandr – HF: Yes, I think the judges got bribed because TCP wanted to not let Scars win Project Conquest.
WilliamW2010 – SWAT: If colluding counts as bribery then yes. Xing was clearly colluding with Mare
T_T – RPF: yes. rather unfortunate that, that wasn’t a battle i judged, I would’ve loved some cash too
I heard that Mare regularly threatens the Head Judges, holding their families hostage. Many people are saying this. We at Totally Legit News demand for Mare to step down. To replace her, we will be forcing Mchappy out of the retirement home. Although some silly people may think that this is “immoral”, “illegal”, and “kidnapping”, there is no basis for these absurd accusations. Our organisation prides itself on being ethical, with only “some” crime on the side.
BPChan Debuts
Over on Club Penguin Journey, Bestpenguin hosted a party. Being a very nice party host, BP transformed into “BPChan”, showcasing his amazing cheerleading skills.
BPChan
There were supposedly over 300 penguins in the igloo who came to see BPChan. They were all in the Aliens‘ uniform, in formation, and sending tactics (Top Ten Committee take notes). BPChan would go on to become the face of Aliens. From here on out, Aliens maintained an average of 200+ penguins at every event, primarily due to BPChan’s charm. When interviewed, BPChan responded:
I mew for the rizzlers of Club Penguin Journey
To understand the effect BPChan had on the army, we interviewed several community members.
Would you attend an event just to see BPChan?
Sheriff – Aliens: of course i would. bp chan is amazing and cool.
Lemur – RPF: yes
Void – Aliens: Absolutely
How will BPChan affect the army long term?
Sheriff – Aliens: bpchan will lead us to victory, even more than regular bp.
Lemur – RPF: it will drastically improve it
Void – Aliens: BPChan affects the army long term with continuous harmony from their melodies, frankly idk how they do it but their music rocks. Though I still like Avenged Sevenfold
Help Force Multilogging Incident
In other news, the Help Force is facing allegations regarding multilogging. On November 2 2024, the admins found several alt accounts during a Club Penguin Journey igloo raid event. The accounts in question were Thuanthaijo2 and Thuanthaijo3.
Help Force multilogging
It is unclear how the multilogs were found, considering that they were so well hidden. Who could’ve guessed that Thuanthaijo2 and Thuanthaijo3 were alts of Thuanthaijo? Absolutely no one. Another thing you didn’t know is the cool UI multiloggers get.
Multilog for cool UI
Disclaimer: Any multilogging that did occur is the fault of Roxy – any penalties should be applied as a multiplier to her height.
Snowballs Fired at Medal Ceremony
Speaking of Roxy, several staff members and veterans of the Army of Club Penguin were shot with explosive snowballs. During their medal ceremony, ACP leader Ugly alongside Noa, Sanya, and Cubster were hit with these snowballs. This is reminiscent of a previous assassination attempt on Scars and 54x at the Summer Gala. The following images may be disturbing.
It’s a bit ironic that Ugly said “this guy is fired” right before he was fired at. Perhaps he was referring to himself, and he staged the entire thing. Unfortunately, all victims passed away. The Clovers cried in devastation at first. That was until they discovered how to revive their former leader as a ghost. Several people spotted Ugly’s ghost at the same Help Force event as the multilogging incident.
Ugly’s ghost spotted
Despite the tragic events, we now know that the Clovers have developed some sort of witchcraft. This is very dangerous. You can’t sit on ghosts in a battle. You try to sit on them and you just fall to the ground. Scars’ strategy of sitting on enemies is now worthless. This is terrible news for the army community.
Scars Merge Into PIC
On the topic of Scars, they have recently merged into the Peoples’ Imperial Confederation. Like Scars, PIC has won several tournaments in the small/medium army circle. Merging two tournament-winning armies together can only mean glory. We at Totally Legit News wish PIC the best of luck. With Scars merging into them, they cannot lose. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we are proud to announce our sponsor for this post, Scars!
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Son Eaters Run Amuck
Disclaimer: The following story has nothing to do with kids being sold for a Scars plushie. We at Totally Legit News assure you that any children sold to our sponsor will be looked after and definitely not eaten.
Several prominent community members are currently facing accusations of son eating. Son eating in the army community goes back several years. One of the more infamous examples is major army legend Calgocubs. In early 2023, the Anti-Calgo Coalition accused Calgo of eating the son of one of his staff members, Mads. Alongside this were other accusations including staff abuse, coconut abuse, and sleep abuse.
Accusations against Calgo
Ultimately, Calgo’s son eating came to an end; However, his heinous actions inspired several other community members to adopt this obscure hobby. During a war between the Help Force and Templars, TCP leader Mocha ate HF leader Jo’s son. She admitted this herself.
Mocha admitting to eating Jo’s son
Not only did she admit to eating Jo’s son, but she also accused him of the same crime. For the record, Jo did not eat Mocha’s daughter. Although he has eaten many people, including many sons, Mocha’s daughter was not one of these people. How could Mocha make up such a lie about such a prominent issue in the community?
This rampant son eating has evolved into other forms of eating. For example, biased admin Mare ate the Top Ten.
Mare accused of eating the Top Ten
We do not know how Mare ate the Top Ten. It is hard to imagine the mechanics behind such a crime. After such outrageous events, we have no choice but to interview community members, to learn how such crimes are possible.
Do you think Calgo ate Mads’ son?
Tulip – RPF: Yes, I think that Calgo ate Mads’ son. Calgo wanted Mads to return to ACP and they didn’t so he got some payback.
JevTheJester – WV: Calgo is the type to just eat anyone like CaseOh does
HippoLover – HF: Yes. As a member of the Anti-Calgo Coalition I was thrown in clover jail alongside Calgo’s staff members who rebelled. In that cold, dirty, disgusting jail cell I watched Calgo eat Mads’ son. It was a terrible sight
Caracal Cat – Templars: Calgo 100% ATE MADS SON
Do you think Mocha ate Jo’s son?
Tulip – RPF: Yes, I think Mocha ate Jo’s son as Mocha wanted to secretly get her revenge on Jo for making fun of coffees.
JevTheJester – WV: Mocha is on a sweet side. So i feel Mocha wouldn’t
HippoLover – HF: If Mocha is anything like Calgo then yes, she would’ve eaten Jo’s son
Caracal Cat – Templars: no mocha is my beloved pookie bear she wouldnt do that
Did Mare eat the Top Ten?
Tulip – RPF: Yes, Mare ate the Top Ten. I was vividly disappointed when the Top Ten was 0.5 seconds late. So, I inferred that she ate the Top Ten. It was sad.
JevTheJester – WV: It’s Mare. Mare eats when she gets hungry. The TT happened to be in the way.
HippoLover – HF: Definitely. Out of the two admins she was always the hungry one
Caracal Cat – Templars: Mare i SAY did eat the top ten
It is clear that Calgo did in fact eat Mads’ son all those years ago. This is one thing the community can agree on. There is more scepticism surrounding Mocha’s recent incident of eating Jo’s son. Despite evidence of Mocha admitting to the crime, many claim that she is innocent. It is clear that son eating is becoming more acceptable in the community.
Sheriff accusing BPChan of eating the Top Ten
Some community members are even attempting to blame BPChan for the eating of the Top Ten. As we all know, BPChan would never eat the Top Ten. This slander is clearly an attempt by Mare to maintain control of the community. By spreading mistrust between community members, she can draw attention away from her crimes. We at Totally Legit News kindly request for Mare to stop spreading these vicious lies about BPChan. Mare should own up to her crimes and admit that she ate the Top Ten.
Many people were inspired by Mare eating the Top Ten. Unfortunately for them, there is only one Top Ten every week, not nearly enough for everyone to eat. Instead of eating the Top Ten, these people decided to eat puffles. Here is a collection of well-known puffle eaters in the army community.
That’s All For This Edition of Totally Legit News
We would like to thank you for taking time out of your day to be well-informed. Remember to purchase a Scars plushie while they’re on sale. Also, remember to SMASH that like button and hit that little bell. With all this totally legit news, we hope that you’ll do the right thing and coup Mare. Until next time, stay tasty.
Jo
Associate Editor