[SATIRE] Curry Addiction: Get Over It Already

KLONDIKE, CP Army Headquarters – While one of the most common sicknesses in the CPA community, curry addiction is rarely treated as a severe disease. In this article, I will not do that.

Author’s note: This is in no way a satire. I mean everything in this post, and you can quote me.

curry addiction

A graphic depiction of curry addiction.

Curry Addiction: How to Manage it

The first step in recovering from a curry addiction is admitting you have a problem. If you or a loved one exhibit at least ten of the following symptoms, stop reading this article before you contaminate the rest of us. This isn’t for you. You may be suffering from a curry addiction if you are:

  • Talking about curry more than once a day
  • Encouraging others to “try curry; it’s not as strong as you think.”
  • Leaving parties early to go home and eat curry by yourself
  • Associating with people who eat curry
  • Associating with people
  • Spending more than the doctor-recommended 10 hours a day on discord (don’t google that)
  • Contaminating typical food with curry
  • Having intrusive thoughts about consuming curry

Suppose this sounds like you; immediately go outside and touch some grass. For those who have been here more than a decade, grass is the little green section near the side of the road.

To prove my point, I interviewed an anonymous Indian CPA member named Pranav, who recently admitted to knowing people who may have once seen someone eating curry.

Have you ever eaten curry?

Yes… I don’t see how that has to do with this interview you said you wanted about being a CP Army Headquarters editor-

So you admit to being delusional and having a curry addiction?

No, what, I’m not addicted-

That sounds like something a curry addict would say.

I need a lawyer.

Denied. Sit back down immediately.

Pranav was overwhelmed by the confrontation of his addiction, and he could not complete the interview. After that, the only thing I could get out of him was “I’M CALLING THE POLICE” and “WHY ARE YOU SPRINKLING CURRY IN MY SHOWER.”

Just Get Over It

The road to curry recovery is long and hard. Today, there are no known survivors of the disease that ever seem to have infected every CPA leader except me. This is because I am not an Indian. If you suspect that you may be an Indian or have an addiction to curry, there is, unfortunately, no cure for this disease: you’re screwed.

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