We all know that science is the language of the universe, a noble quest to understand the laws that govern everything from gravity to why our troops no-showed a battle. But what if armies weren’t just forces of war, but forces of nature? In this totally unbiased and peer-reviewed piece, we ask the age-old question: If Club Penguin Armies were famous scientists, who would they be?

Disclaimer: The descriptions represent the author’s opinions and do not necessarily represent Club Penguin Armies‘ views.

Army of Club Penguin – Isaac Newton

The granddaddy of them all. Discovered war formats before anyone else. Invented gravity just to explain how far everyone else was beneath them in 2008. Revered, respected, and still showing up centuries later.

Rebel Penguin Federation – Albert Einstein

A revolutionary genius among scientists. Redefined the battlefield with E=MCEvent. Quietly shows up, wins a tournament, and leaves the server. A little distant now, but their presence bends space and time regardless.

Aliens – Stephen Hawking

Mysterious, theoretical, and way ahead of their time. Nobody knows if they’re real until they speak, then the galaxy listens. Likely watching everyone from the fourth dimension.

Templars – Richard Feynman

Wildly intelligent, fiercely controversial. Brilliant in execution, but will slap you with a war declaration in one breath and call you a fool in the next. Explains nuclear reactions by starting with one.

Help Force – Marie Curie

Pioneers of helping, but dangerously radioactive in battle. Kind, organized, and you won’t even notice they’ve wiped your capital until you’re halfway through your resignation letter.

Water Vikings – Nikola Tesla

Innovative, misunderstood, and often robbed of their rightful victories. Quiet geniuses who strike with lightning, and a side of mythology. They will make you fear the wave, and they’ll invent a whole new strategy in the process.

Void Troops – Erwin Schrodinger

Are they alive? Are they dead? Both? Neither? The answer depends on whether you’ve opened their server. Entirely theoretical until they declare war on you, and they’ll have you collapse into a singularity.

Doritos of Club Penguin – Robert J. Oppenheimer

“I am become Chip, destroyer of peace.” Famous for blowing things up, especially their enemies, with BWB bombs. Their mere presence sparks an arms race, and their wars reshape the entire landscape. You’ll never know who they will nuke next!

Elite Guardians of Club Penguin – Niels Bohr

Quiet, stable, and way more powerful than you expect. Practiced diplomacy like it was a quantum model, but when they strike, it’s with structured precision. Masters of both science and strategy.

Shadow Legionnaires – Werner Heisenberg

You can’t observe both their location and momentum at the same time. Known for ambiguity and spontaneous energy bursts. They may or may not be behind every major conspiracy theory in the community.

Fire Vikings – Galileo Galilei

Accused of heresy, yet refuses to waver. Bold enough to say the CP sun revolves around them. Under siege by larger institutions, but they still believe the truth will win.

Special Weapons and Tactics – Enrico Fermi

Built for destruction, organized like a lab. May explode randomly, and you’re never quite sure what reaction you’re going to get. At their best, they’re unstoppable. At their worst… also unstoppable, just internally.

Star Force – Carl Sagan

Dreamers. Believers. Marching with stars in their eyes and a burning passion for poetic battles. They’ll make you question your place in the cosmos along the way.

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From military strategists to agents of chaos, each army brings its own signature take on theoretical annihilation to the battlefield. Whether you split an atom or split an alliance, one thing is for sure: Club Penguin Armies are just as unpredictable and chaotic as the scientists who changed the world.

Zenishira
Associate Editor

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