What Does Your Spotify Wrapped Say About You

Towards the end of every year, thousands of users online share their most listened to music over the course of the year. This year, our Community Committee invited members in our Discord to share their music lists. Now, unbeknownst to them beforehand, I am going to rate their music taste.

Designed by Master DS

It wouldn’t be fair for me to go through and casually roast people for their music taste without reflecting on my own music taste first.

What this Wrapped says about me is that I stopped using Spotify after the Barbie movie came out. I am truly embarrassed to allow “Cupid,” everyone’s favorite pop jam of 2023, as my top song. I will repent and think about my actions. And if you must know, yes, I was in the top 0.001% of FIFTY FIFTY listeners. This is my wakeup call to expand my music taste and not limit myself to pop songs that generalize my sexuality.

The next victim is Club Penguin Armies‘ Head Moderator, Mare. One would think upon first glance that this was a Spotify Wrapped of a middle schooler. It in fact is not. Despite her top song featuring the one and only Ice Spice, her absence is very much missed in the top artists category. It’s all right Mare, you can admit that you spent hundreds of dollars on your floor seats to the Taylor Swift concert. Regardless of your music taste, I take comfort in knowing that I can recite “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat with you on any moments notice.

Mare had this to say to her defense:

I don’t even know where to start… I have no regrets over Taylor Swift. However, Boy’s a liar Pt. 2 being my number one song, I mean, she wasn’t lying, was she?

Now, this person’s music taste probably should not have shocked me as much as it did when I saw it, so I knew I had to learn more. This target is none other than Top Ten Committee Head, Dino. I found it borderline hilarious that this high schooler would have his top four artists be from generations that were probably even before his own parents. Dino’s Spotify Wrapped is giving “I was born in the wrong generation” vibes. Through this Spotify Wrapped alone, I have learned not only Dino’s music taste by the music taste of his parents as well. Rock on, my guy.

Dino had this to say to his defense:

I think this wrapped says I am stuck in the past and that fits me perfectly. Even for this community, as people know, I spend an unhealthy amount of time staring at (for example) 2008-2009 posts from Army of Club Penguin. Would Boomer 20 make my top five if authors [from armies] were artists?

Next, I introduce you all to Kailey‘s rankings. There is much to unpack here. I am not sure if we should tackle CORPSE first or Dream. Personally, I was quite disappointed to not see any Korean music on here given how many K-Pop concerts you are trying to go. I believe there is only one answer for what this Wrapped says about Kailey: she is the ultimate simp. Additionally, Kailey clocks in with the most amount of minutes listened to out of my five targets so congratulations to her on winning Spotify Wrapped this year.

Finally, we arrive to former Chief Executive Producer Wynn. As some of you may not have known, Wynn may identify as somewhat of a hopeless romantic. Needless to say, we all know what having girl in red as one of your top artists can insinuate. Similarly to Mchappy‘s taste of music, Wynn should consider branching out to non-stereotypical genres of music.

Snowy, former Help Force co-leader, came to Wynn’s defense with this statement:

Wynn goes through her normal routine like everyone else: she wakes up, makes coffee and listens to Spotify while gay.

In total, 34 people submitted their screenshots of music in review for the year. Sharing music provides us with a small window to look into the lives of the internet strangers we have come to known within the community. It was very interesting to see the diversity and intersecting music preferences. Much thanks to the kind souls who allowed me to have a little troll with them. Thank you to Aubz, Community Committee Head, for hosting this fun Discord event. Which of these five has your favorite Spotify Wrapped?

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Filed under: Editorials & Opinion, Satire | Tagged: , , ,

Mchappy is interning at Club Penguin Armies as the Chief Executive Producer. Max held him at gunpoint to finish his biography.

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