[SATIRE] The World War IX Is Fake

The so-called “World War IX” was a clever hoax invented by the Club Penguin Army Administration to sell more battles. I have here with me irrefutable proof.


Designed by Scorp

There was no victor.

What is the most important factor of engaging in a war? To win! And yet WWIX had no victor. Not only this, but one army lost all of their territory in spite of their being no clear-cut winner or loser. This is because the whole was was staged, and RPF was set up to fail from the start. They didn’t lose the war, or even any of the battles, and yet all of their territory is gone. Kind of sus.

The battles.

The battles weren’t real, people. Wake up. Did you actually attend any of them? No, you didn’t. You saw pictures of them afterwards. These pictures were take months ago by the participating armies in case they wanted to orchestrate a fake world war, and that’s exactly what they did.

Calgo isn’t real.

Think about this one. Have you ever actually spoken to this Calgo guy? Heard him in vc? Seen him in the game? If you have, that wasn’t him. That was someone masquerading as him to fool you into thinking that ACP has a leader. In reality, ACP, like most major armies, doesn’t have a commander. They feed ChatGPT into Discord to make it look like they have a leader, when in reality armies are run by the CPA judges. These judges had so little to do in their irl lives that they “created” a war so that they could be relevant again until LC starts.

Every World War Was Fake.

The majority of CPA world wars took place in the pre-CPO era, which means that there are almost no eyewitnesses left to attest that they really happened. And even if they are, can we trust that they’re telling the truth? They’re boomers. They’re old. They probably have dementia. Put them in a retirement home already.

There’s a very, very good chance that everything that happened way back then was invented at the start of the CPOAL era to encourage people to join armies. Does anyone have real proof that Oagalthorpe exists? That armies were even real in OG CP? Where’d they go if they existed, huh?? What is this “Xat” that you speak of?? Fake news.

CPA is fake.

Really think about this one. Why are we all spending hours, weeks, months, years on this? Virtual penguins? Fake ranks? So-called “perms” that give you the illusion of feeling powerful? Wake up, sheeple. You’ve been lied to. The entirety of CPA has been faked, from its origins to its history to the most recent world war. I strongly encourage all of you to demand real proof from your leaders or coup.

I think we can all take away a few things from this post. Not only was WWIX faked, but the majority of CPA history was. Who’s to say that the CPA history right now is even real? Has anyone ever actually seen the admins? I rest my case.

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Mchappy is interning at Club Penguin Armies as the Chief Executive Producer. Max held him at gunpoint to finish his biography.

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