Classifying Army Leaders

Have you ever imagined your leaders as players in a video game? Just like games have various classes like snipers, berserkers, tanks and so forth, what if our leaders were classified in a similar way? In this post, that is exactly what we will aim to do – classifying leaders.

Before we start classifying leaders, note that the contents of this post are not meant to be taken seriously. If found, you might find yourself featured in the next part of this post. The classification does not represent any particular individual. Resemblance to real life individuals is purely a co-incidence. Litigious people can target Wynn, she authorized this.

The Perfect Leader

Classifying Leaders - Perfect Leader

See that award? Yeah you’re never getting it

As the name suggests, a perfect leader leaves no good leadership quality missing. They have an amicable personality but at the same time do not hesitate to put the army above individual. They are highly motivated people with a track record of winning, yet remain humble in their demeanor. They are focused on improving the army every single day, but at the same time manage to make it fun. Of course, such leaders are  went extinct a long time ago. Some even speculate they are just a myth.

The Good Tyrant

Classifying Leaders - Good Tyrant

Comic by CPAC Artist Delcrux

This type of leader never misses a chance to act like a tyrant. However, the cause and consequences of their tyranny never cause harm to their army. In fact, these leaders often act as tyrants because they want to help their army grow and prosper. That just makes their reactions even more hilarious when they lose wars or tournaments.

The Dictator

Classifying leaders - Dictator

Old comic from Club Penguin Times, click to enlarge

This old comic from Club Penguin times accurately describes the life cycle of a dictator’s leadership. They begin strong, they might even get a good max or two. However, it’s all downhill from there, with the army either ending up with 2 mods, or the dictator getting couped. Don’t worry, General Aladeen. You’ll find your Wadiya some day.

The Social Butterfly

Classifying Leaders - Social Butterfly

Goddamn extroverts

The Social Butterfly class leaders will lie to your faces that they willingly choose to focus on the community aspect as a leader. You could believe them, but then you would both be delusional. They love being in this community, they love the people, and they love the army but they don’t know shit about anything else that comes with leading. That being said, they are an integral part of the army as without a community, you won’t have members left, and your grumpy ass just can’t match the vibe these leaders produce.

Mr. Edgy Shelby

“The only way to guarantee peace is by making the prospect of war seem hopeless.”

A leader of the Edgy Shelby class will always be a hardcore Peaky Blinders fan. They haven’t changed from that Thomas Shelby Discord pfp since a year. Even if their main doesn’t have it anymore, they definitely have it on their alts. They definitely have edgy statuses, and will send edgy comments on Discord 24/7. Their self-image is often a cunning, daring politician with the power to change worlds with their words. However, they may often fail to see the reality until they get nominated for that Brightest Bulb award.

Fun Event Enjoyer

“I win again! Let’s do this tomorrow too!”

This type of leader will sell their soul to the devil just to avoid any sort of conflict. They became leaders purely to dress up and play dead games on Club Penguin. They support the “no army can declare on me while I’m at war” clause so they can declare war on an ally and then have sled racing battles. Keep supporting these leaders if you are one of the people who want this community to die out.

The ‘Gone Camping’

“It’s time to party!”

Have you ever seen that one leader who always sets their nickname to ‘#ihatecpa [ON BREAK]’? That’s what this class is all about.

The Bomb Lover

Classifying Leaders - Bomb Lover

Sometimes, you need a translator for this guy.

This is my favourite type of leader to hang around. They love bombing, especially F-bombing. They always manage to come up with some sort of funny, new way to swear at CPA, its members, its armies, and everything else in between. Their army’s Discord server doesn’t have a NSFW channel, the server itself is NSFW.

The Warmonger

Classifying Leaders - Warmonger

Ah yes, “The Plan”

As you’d expect, the Warmonger class is blessed with a hyperfocus on war opportunities. Never one to miss out on declaring war, they will go out of their way just to start a fight. Sometimes, they might not even start fights, and you’ll be left loving them even though they took all your land. However, one must remember that all warmongers face embarrassing defeats at one point or the other.

The Hardcore Anime Fan

Classifying Leaders - Anime


The hardcore anime fan leaders make themselves obvious – painfully obvious. From Discord pfp, to hype speeches, to their normal talks – you will be shown that they watch anime. They will host anime watching sessions for the entire army, they will hold anime themed events for the entire army. They cannot forget about it anymore, it’s not an addiction, it’s who they are.

The Midas

The Midas is a very special class. These type of leaders are usually returning leaders, people who have done wonders before. Just by returning, they build a certain hype. And a good leader knows how to never let the hype die. Midas can turn a dying army into gold with their mere presence.

The Anti-Midas

Old comic from Club Penguin Times, click to enlarge

The Anti-Midas is the natural enemy of the Midas. They can destroy almost everything you entrust to them. Let them lead an army that already maxes 60+, what could go wrong? Boom, it has fallen to S/M and the staff hates the leader. Fine, maybe they weren’t meant to lead that army, they could fare better at a different one. Ta-da! The other major army is now dead. Ugh, it’s alright, they have a lot of army experience now. Maybe they could run a league organization instead? Yikes, never mind. The community is no longer alive.

The Family Man

The family man (no, I don’t mean Peter Griffin) has been here since 2006. They created armies, they led armies, they got army legend, they became CEO, they became judge. At one point, they just settled down here and never left. Now they have a wife and two kids playing CPA with them.

The Never-Was

Ah, another one of my favorites. The Never-Was. This class of leader shows a lot of promise while rising up. Everyone is pretty sure they will become an Army Legend when they start leading. Sadly, they just stop after getting the role. They might occasionally wake up to yell at their HCOM for doing nothing. Heck, they might even host a movie night two hours before a war defense.

The Forever In-Training

The most tragic class of leader you will ever encounter is the In-Training. Due to unfortunately circumstances, they never actually got the leader role despite acting as a leader just as much as the people who had it. They are destined to remain a Leader-in-Training forever.

The Counting Prodigy

“Hmmm… 1… 2… 3…. 30! We maxed 30 at the surfing event on Monday!”

The counting prodigy is infamous in the news organizations for some unknown reason. Everyone just keeps insulting them! It’s not their fault that their brain automatically multiplies the result of any counting operation by one point something.

The Pixel Abuser

“I swear it’s true! Those trees are penguins doing tactics!”

The designer gods of CPA are ruthless when it comes to this class of leader. They unleash curse upon curse onto their laptop, such that the photoshop always fucks up their pictures and accidentally makes them look manipulated.

The Inventor

An old comic from Club Penguin Times

The Inventor class always tries to innovate their way through problems. Roblox recruiting, @@@@ bwbs, robbing banks to sponsor nitro are just some of the popular achievements of the inventors. Thanks to these individuals, the community is still alive and somewhat interesting.

The Overworking Burnout

The Overworking Burnout leader class often gets 200+ recruits in their first week as leader. In their second week, they get 200+ goodbye messages.

The Too Based

This leader class usually has the most BASED people of this community. They can be spotted on rare occasions in our league’s general chat, sending gifs of buff men and bragging about their PR.

The Dummy

As the image suggests, the Dummy class is just a puppet for someone to lead from the shadows. It might be because the shadow leader was ousted from the community for unspeakable crimes. Maybe they are hiding to avoid another army declaring war over personal matters. Or, they just find it embarrassing to publicly be back in this community but still want to lead. Truly, shadow leading is impossible without the Dummy class.

Part Two will be out soon.

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