Welcome to the second edition of the conspiracy column, where we investigate various conspiracy theories around the community. For ages, many have shared a single common belief: that the Army of Club Penguin controls the media. In this post, we will not only take a deeper look but also provide explicit evidence proving this claim.
Designed by Kedi Wain
OAGALTHORP = club penguin satan
History frowns at the face of the devil. Usually, it is historical figures who get the blame, such as Napoleon. Women fear him, children, too. Oagalthorp probably isn’t even allowed on Discord anymore for attempting to recruit everyone into his army. Why wouldn’t we call him satan? He’s been here before everyone else; he probably knows what everyone did. I bet he even checks us all twice…
HOW ACP BRAINWASHES CHILDREN
How could the Army of Club Penguin be such a cruel and cunning creature to children? They’re literally what fuels the media right now. Everyone knows people who are online over the age of 24 don’t actually exist in the real world, they’re just 3 children in a trenchcoat. But how do they do it? Above, there is an image that explains everything. Money is what runs the world, you know? And what does “balls” mean? Club Penguin Journey. Club Penguin Journey relies on funding from ACP to keep its servers running, with the goal of recruiting at least two more players before another major army shuts it down.
THE MUSTAPHA SYNDROME
Mustapha isn’t real. Neither is Lord Pain. They’re both characters made by Oagalthorp‘s minions to make the idea of hating ACP “not cool”. The devil plays tricks after all, why would we penguins assume we’re immune to it? This syndrome applies to many people, the Doritos, for example. They were invented by Boomer to give troops a reason to join ACP events, and to manipulate the media into thinking that only sad people think that ACP sucks. With this, they get away with doing many things, like taking lollipops from babies, and even worse, kicking dogs.
fun fact
ACP invented a secret language to manipulate the media on air. It’s the reason there’s always coffee mugs below the desk in Klondike After Hours, as the reporters don’t have enough time to censor our speech and the news, so they do it on air to make sure the newsbroadcaster is as Pro-ACP as any can be!
Roxy is proof that the minions work for ACP
The minions. They’re a part of the Despicable Me franchise, created in 2010, where a character named Gru returns to his villainous roots after settling into fatherhood with three adoptive children. That doesn’t matter today; however, it really shouldn’t, you know. In 2015, a movie called Minions was released in cinemas, exploring the history of the Minions. The minions showed their darker side here, as it was revealed that the minions serve the evilest people of that current time. Let’s look at today’s ACP, shall we? Roxy is an ACP leader who has an abnormally short stature. She is so short that she doesn’t reach the Commander-in-Chief role on Discord’s role list. Everything points to her truly only speaking in Minionese, as it’s always Daniel who speaks in ACP events.
What does this prove? It proves that ACP is the most evil group of our lifetime. Of course, they would manipulate the airwaves and kick our dogs; they have every reason to! They were made by a satanic demon older than time itself, which has manipulated those against him to look bad, while altering the words I ever so desperately say on this post. Grow up, Club Penguin, not even we are safe anymore.
acp runs the media, and army leaders
It isn’t a regular army if it isn’t related to ACP. Every army, yes, every army is connected to ACP. They control you, your media, your leaders, probably your mother and father if you’re unlucky. Do not let any men in green tell you otherwise. Don’t let any possible recruits watch the Grinch either this Christmas season, as Oagalthorp has been spotted leaving the TV to recruit unsuspecting penguins.
ACP attempting to recruit via Christmas cartoons
Keep yourself safe these holidays, you never know if the Clovers will use the media to recruit your children into the army.
CPA and ACP share similar lettering, how interesting..
With all these facts being presented, I feel compelled to inform the community. ACP controls not only the CPA but also the surrounding publicity, which certainly aligns with the dominance the army has maintained for the past 19 years. What do you think? Do you believe ACP is innocent?
PingoBoiii
Reporter