What if, theoretically, Club Penguin Armies were football teams? Which teams would be the top-performing, never losing a match, and full of trophies and rivalries? Come with us while we light-heartedly picture Club Penguin Armies Gerbils through football kits, tactics, scandals, and everything in between.
Designed by Edu14463
Disclaimer: The descriptions represent the author’s opinions and do not necessarily represent Club Penguin Armies‘ views.
ALIENS OF CLUB PENGUIN – MANCHESTER CITY
The Aliens are the equivalent of Manchester City in the Club Penguin Army community. They are methodical, tactically astute, and always two steps ahead of their competition. Just like City under Guardiola, the Aliens don’t rely on chaos or being loud or violent to win wars. They are structured, have discipline, and apply a calm approach, which creates a mental suffocation of their opponents. Astonishingly, they are capable of winning wars without uttering a sound.
They never start the drama, but as soon as the whistle sounds, their structure, their shape, and timing run rings around the loud, chaotic theatre that their opponents create. Outside their war paint, they are neither hot nor cold and simply perplex the opposition with their “nice guys” persona. With their recent performance of winning the Around The World Cup II and a strong showing in the semi-final of the current Legends Cup, they can no longer be defined as “nice guys.” They are silent killers. They let others wheel out the loud, loud of complaining and fighting their dramatic and noisy rivalries while they quietly create dynasties. There is nothing clever or mysterious about their success, just results, medals, and silverware.
HELP FORCE – Liverpool FC
Help Force could be viewed in the same light as Liverpool FC. They celebrated our seventh birthday in 2025. They embody resilience, togetherness, and humanity, and Liverpool FC represents both glory and adversity. If Liverpool FC describes itself based on loyalty, belief, and a connection with its communities, then so does Help Force. The purpose-filled celebrations help contribute to philanthropic expression.
Their campaign, “A Dollar Per Penguin,” is reminiscent of Liverpool and its community-driven approach, where celebrations often involve kindness. Both organizations reflect on tradition not so much as nostalgia as it is a motivation for progression. Help Force reflects Liverpool’s spirit on the field. They may have fallen short historically, but on this field it’s clearer. Legends Cup XIV champions, March Madness X runner-ups, and now a semi-final spot in Legends Cup XV, they are seemingly always improving, growing, and learning, but never failing, which is just like how Liverpool does business.
They shine brightest when they have diverse and willing community members that are genuinely connected, and we bring people from all areas together and achieve as one! Like Liverpool, Help Force has members from all regions, built on shared objectives, emotional investment, and an immeasurable bond. Their strength as an organization is not solely based on their tactics or numbers. It is the heart, culture, and connection that breed success. In every engagement, they have the same resolve and focus: You’ll Never Help Alone.
ARMY OF CLUB PENGUIN – FC BARCELONA
The Army of Club Penguin has been a great presence in Club Penguin Armies, much like FC Barcelona, which is a great presence in World Football, legendary, strategic, and time-consuming. Just as Barcelona can turn a game into a spectacle of movement and creativity, ACP turns every battle into a painstakingly organized moment of power and poise. The processes by which they conduct battle are similar to sort of how Barca’s tiki-taka, organized, fluid, and mostly moves like a train that cannot be stopped.
By dominating the battlefield, the ACP does not just exist in the arena; they dominate with rules, renegotiating the entire game of war. Holding “peace talks” that devolve into passive-aggressive emoji battles or embargoes that mute entire armies in the middle of battle, ACP uses political theatrics as a sport all to themselves. ACP’s leaders, Roxy and Daniel, are penguins’ versions of the revered coaches of FC Barcelona, building a dynasty, from penguins to a way of life.
While others fight for survival, ACP fights for legacy. Their trophy cabinet includes several badges of glory along with some worthy titles like the Holiday Championship and Legends Cup XIII, and ACP knows that it is consistency and strategy, rather than chaos, that builds empires. Similar to FC Barcelona at a global level, ACP does dramatically change the tone of a battle, and most of the time, they are leading you.
REBEL PENGUIN FEDERATION – Real Madrid
Rebel Penguin Federation is a living representation of one of Club Penguin’s longest and most successful armies. It reminds me of a football club like Real Madrid. To exist at that level takes respect, fear, and a history full of trophies and accolades. Like Real Madrid, Rebel Penguin Federation stands for power, skill, and top-tier performance. They know how to rise to the occasion.
In a finals match or a major war, why does it feel like they can just shift into another gear? Like Real Madrid, they seem to pull off the impossible and take control when it matters most.
Their style is both practical and elegant, using lots of emotes, formations, and tactics that can easily dismantle opponent armies. RPF’s track record in the biggest international tournaments, Legends Cup, Fright or Fight, and Christmas Chaos is just as prestigious and revered as the Champions League title of Real Madrid. RPF, like Real Madrid, is not out of the international spotlight for long, and when it is out, it already has one foot in the next tournament.
In true Real Madrid fashion, balancing history with evolution, RPF knows to respect the history and culture of battle as an army, yet always implements different training techniques and experimental battle tactics so as not to be left behind in this field of warfare. Treasuring developing the process that generates consistent and great results was RPF’s doctrine, and its ability to be one of the most feared, respected, and feared armies in Club Penguin History was based on attacking to win, but also defining what winning looks like and how winning is the end goal in this trading exercise.
WATER VIKINGS – Borussia Dortmund
The Water Vikings are the Borussia Dortmund of the Club Penguin realm. Adaptable, methodical, and always with a little spice of surprise when you least expect it. Like Dortmund, the Water Vikings have had their highs and lows. They always manage to answer the bell when needed. They are a mixture of studying an opponent and just having fun when the game is on the line. Although they do not always walk into a fight as the biggest name, by the end of every battle, they tend to leave with the most memorable name on the scoreboard.
The Vikings’ play style mimics Dortmund’s go-to go formation, playing with recovery, tactical, and transformational dynamics. The Vikings demonstrated an affinity for bringing their best issues when it mattered the most. Similarly, Dortmund has proven time and time again in the Bundesliga or the Champions League. They blend the old with the new, modernized measures with traditional formations, movement tactics, and surprise shifts that feel like a last-minute effort from outside the box. They treat every one of their battles like a proper match in discipline. The Water Vikings, just like Dortmund, fill the walls of its stadium with color and mayhem.
The Water Vikings may not always be the loudest team in the room. But they are always one clever play away from changing the movie, just like Dortmund.
Club Penguin Armies are similar to football teams in that each army can play a different style of game. They can have their own team mentality and patterns of movement. Some teams play very aggressively, while some try to have the most organized coordination as possible, or sometimes have unorthodox styles of movement. That is part of what makes the community a competitive and exciting, and always-changing place to engage in. Which team will you support?
GeoIonut
Reporter